Just before Christmas, I found myself joining the staff of a bike shop for a Christmas night out. We started in a pub before moving on to a Chinese restaurant.
Early in the evening, the boss returned from the bar with a substantial round of drinks, and we started discussing the considerable mark-up placed on drinks by the licensed trade.
Later in the night, we somehow got onto the subject of how we could hardly judge – as bike shops have their own equivalent profit-maker: inner tubes.
Drinks.
Inner Tubes.
Hmmm.
What followed was a boozy conversation which, though it seemed like a good idea at the time, is admittedly one of the geekiest in which I have ever played an active part. For some reason that I can’t explain, it seemed a natural process to find an appropriate drink to match each of the inner tubes for sale in a bike shop.
I present below our reasoned findings, transcribed from the paper napkin upon which they were noted. Make of them what you will.
| Inner Tube | Drink |
| 700 x 38C Schraeder | White Wine |
| 700 x 35C Presta | Real Ale |
| 20 x 2 Schraeder | Vodka Red Bull |
| 700 x 21C Presta | Mineral Water |
| 27 x 1 3/8 Tubular | Red Wine |
| 26 x 2 Schraeder | Carling |
| 26 x 2 Presta | Becks |
| 20 x 1 3/8 Schraeder | Vodka and Tonic |
| 16 x 1 3/8 Schraeder | Tanqueray Gin and Tonic |
| 29 x 2.2 Presta | Single Malt Whisky |
| 700C Cyclocross Tubular | Sloe Gin |
| 24 x 2.5 Schraeder | Strongbow Cider |
| 26 x 3 Schraeder | Stella Artois Lager |
Clive Andrews 
The scary thing is that I can relate to that.
Any further suggestions, Neil?
My 26×4.0 Presta would be a Youngs Double Chocolate Stout or a Guinness.
nearly all right, but you missed 700 x 23 – 25 which is obviously bourbon
and 27 x 1 1/4 is vintage port