The Myth of Pub Welsh

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A good friend of mine recently returned from a weekend in north west Wales. I asked him about his trip.

“It was fine” he said, “though of course the locals did the usual thing of switching to speaking Welsh whenever we walked in a pub”.

It is amazing how many intelligent English people are of the belief that the Welsh only really bother to speak their own language in order to annoy eavesdropping Englishfolk. For a while, I too thought that there may be a shred of truth in this idea, until I was put straight by a native Welsh-speaking friend.

If two Welsh-speakers in a pub are chatting away, why on earth would they speak English? Just to give them the satisfaction of switching to Welsh when an Englishman walks in?

It’s about as ludicrous as suggesting that those of us in Brighton, close to France, like to chat to each other routinely in French, only reverting to our native tongue in order to frustrate any Frenchman who dares walk into our local boozer.

Perfectly reasonable people genuinely believe that they have been the victims of this supposed Welsh conspiracy. They speak with absolute conviction of the linguistic switch being made in their presence at bars in Aberystwyth, Pwllelli and Capel Curig. I can rarely make out the conversations around me in English pubs, let alone Welsh ones. Then again, why would I try to?

I found an interstesting analysis of this on the BBC website, accompanied by some lively debate.

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Filthy Pleasures

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Mountain biking in southern England in January is generally a muddy experience.

A couple of hours in Bedgebury Forest, Kent, leads to a bike covered in thick black gritty mud.

Thankfully, the visitors’ centre has a freely available hosepipe.

One of the simple pleasures of mountain biking is the therapeutic process of transforming a filthy bike into a clean one.

Even better than that is the process of transforming a clean bike into a filthy one.

Posted in cycling | 1 Comment

Welcome to Spamworld

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We all know about spam. We’re all fed up with the constant deluge of crap in our inboxes. But recently, I seem to have passed a significant threshold. Over half the email messages I now get, on my work email, my Gmail and, of course, my ageing and increasingly Viagra-sodden Hotmail account, are now unsolicited crap.

For every email I receive from a friend or colleague I receive another one or two from random hijacked email accounts trying to sell me online dating, prescription medication, bodily enhancements, fake Rolex watches, ink cartridges and all manner of adult entertainment sites. And that’s before we even mention the lottery notifications or the Nigerian regulars.

Spam is now reality

According to my inbox, there is now more spam than reality. How did that happen? Spam is now more real than real email. The real communications of my life are disappearing from view under a sea of spam.

I foresee the birth of new world, Second Life-style in which our ‘real’ existence is usurped by growing hordes of timeshare salesmen and share tipsters. Every street corner is a pharmacy and old men never see a reason to leave the bedroom, much to the bemusement of their wives.

All the women (and most of the men) are unbelievably well-endowed, yet have notoriously inaccurate wristwatches which give them nasty rashes.

Everyone is incredibly rich; some through Dutch lottery winnings and some through minding the funds of various African dignitaries killed in a spate of tragic air crashes.

And the girl next door?

What do you think? She wants me. Who wouldn’t? After all, I am a man whose inkjet printer will never, ever run out of ink.

Posted in computing, internet | 3 Comments

Reach for the Eurostars

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It amazes me the way that I can wake up in Rebecca and Simon’s spare room in Brussels, then stroll down the road, hop on a train and step off in central London in the time it takes to read the paper and have a snooze.

Eurostar is so much better than flying. No need for two hour check-ins, stingy baggage allowances or travelling from town to airport at either end of your journey.

Plus, of course, the whole carbon emissions thing makes Eurostar look a far rosier option than its airborne cousins.

The only way to travel.

Unless you’re going somewhere like South America.

Or the pub, for that matter.

I’ve used Eurostar for three trips now – twice to Brussels and once to Paris. I might consider it for my next jolly to the Alps – though being realistic, I hope it works out as a comparable cost to the airlines, or my conscience will have to grapple with the financial reality of it all…

Posted in environment, travel | Leave a comment

Specialized have gone global…

It looks like Specialized, one of the bike industry’s leading players, has made an interesting decision about how it uses its distinctive branding.

Specialized are a big name in bikes and they’re very proud of their brand. Most of their bikes have it splashed large on the downtube, as you’d expect from such a trusted marque.

But I was in for a surprise when I first saw one of their new ‘Globe‘ hybrid models. The word ‘Globe’ has been treated almost as a brand in itself, and occupies prime position on the bike’s shiny black downtube. The word ‘Specialized cannot be seen, until you notice its decidedly understated presence on some components, and the ‘S’ logo on the forks and head tube. I didn’t even realise this bike was a Specialized until the second time I saw it.

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The ‘Globe’ range of bikes represents the kind of bikes Specialized are looking to sell to ‘ordinary’ customers – often customers who don’t see themselves as experienced or expert cyclists.

Maybe they’ve realised that the very word ‘Specialized’, while commanding respect among those in the know, is a little off-putting to those looking for a regular bike to do a regular job.

“Would you like to buy this Specialized bicycle?”

“No thanks – I’m looking for an ordinary one…”

I suppose it’s a little like the way that Neilson, the company I work for, has dropped its use of the strapline “The active holiday experts”. Presenting yourself as “expert” or “specialised” is great until you realise that some customers are put off by that kind of language.

The interesting challenge for Specialized is that the guilty word in question is their own name.

Posted in cycling, marketing | Leave a comment

Sea Swimming

Happy New Year

After tentatively dipping my toe in the cold English Channel, I have now taken the plunge and fully joined up with the ‘Arch Section’ of Brighton Swimming Club.

In December.

Cold?
Yes, it is.
It really is.

But it’s a nice surprise to discover how much more there is to it than that.

For a start, there’s the small matter of the sea. It’s not just the temperature that makes the English Channel such an interesting opponent at this time of year. The sheer power of the waves is amazing, and has to be taken seriously.

Then there are the wonderful people. Our guides for this adventure are Brighton’s collection of hardy sea-swimmers who meet every morning on Brighton’s seafront at 7.00am. With years of swimming experience under their belts, they make superb and trusted companions, ever happy to offer advice on handling the day’s conditions. Hyper-keen senses assess the size of the waves, the state of the tide and the wind’s direction, deciding in a second how the sea should be approached.

Along with Nick and Tam, also recent converts, I am one of the youngest members of the club, at the tender age of 31. Most other members are in their 40s, 50s, 60s and even 70s. Since I joined I have been told of fond collective memories of a former club president who recently passed away at the age of 83, still an advocate of taking the waters of Brighton.

On mornings when the waves are big, concentration is required to ensure a safe entry into the waves. Speed is of the essence and the issue of the low temperature doesn’t occur until you’re safely way from the beach and treading water in the swell. After a few minutes of playing in waves, the time comes to plan your escape. Once again, the breaking waves don’t favour the sluggish, so when a gap in the waves is chosen, quick progress up Brighton’s stony beach is recommended. Only when the excitement of escape is over does it occur how painful the stones can be beneath icy cold feet.

Once back on dry land, we retreat into the Club’s eccentric clubhouse, beneath the arches of Brighton’s promenade. Conditions are basic and crowded, but warm showers, a kettle, and the camaraderie of fellow swimmers make it a wonderful cocoon from the outside world.

It seems only right. Brighton (or Brighthelmstone as it was) practically invented the very English practice of immersing oneself in icy seawater for the good of ones constitution. My new friends are continuing this fine tradition, to the eternal amusement of of local onlookers and journalists, who find the whole practice rather quaint and eccentric.

In reality, there’s no over-dramatic derring-do involved – just a healthy respect for the power of the ocean. The swimmers don’t consider themselves heroes or nutters; they just love starting the day the way they do. And it’s a privilege to be joining them.

Another member of the Club is Flickr legend lomokev, who has captured the fun of sea swimming perfectly with his photos.

Posted in Brighton, swimming | 2 Comments

Books Stink

Christmas shopping in a busy Brighton bookshop on the 23rd December.

A harassed-looking teenage girl walks in, followed by two restless young boys.

One of the boys exclaims “Cor, it stinks in ‘ere!”

His elder sister explains: “Course it does – it’s a bookshop.”

“Where’s Kiefer?”

Posted in books | 2 Comments